I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
