Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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