If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
