Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
