either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
