I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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