omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
