hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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