That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
