Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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