My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
