dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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