I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
