No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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