I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
