at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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