i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
