i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
