I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
