Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
