You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
