wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
