Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
