Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish my penis had a tongue
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
