I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
