He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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