I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
