Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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