so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
