omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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