Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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