Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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