Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
