Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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