I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
