either way he was missing a nipple.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
