get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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