Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
