I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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