Plan B is the new Plan A
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
