angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
