So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
