Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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