Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We have so much sex to catch up on
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
