No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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