I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
