I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
