judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
