i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
