Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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