if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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