someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
